Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The sound of silence

When the world gets too noisy for me (and December is a good time for that even though it is my favorite month) I travel in my head to somewhere peaceful.  Often my visualization includes the ocean with waves stronger than me crashing against the shore.
But- this month, I have gone in my head to Essex Junction, VT.  I go back to the condo my mother had at 35 Brickyard Road and I put my head on a pillow on her sofa.  I am holding a book and facing a tv that is off.  I only need to turn my head slightly to look back at her on her red recliner with her little feet up, glasses on, and serious look on her face as she reads.  Later I will look and find her snoozing.  Only then will I feel I can snooze without guilt and we will spend a lazy day this way.  We will alternate reading, laughing, and snoozing and it will be one of the best days of my life.
I am so lucky this visualization can be strong because of how often this was how we spent quality time together.  Two people sitting in silence loving the world around them and each other.  There was much more to our relationship, to be sure, but the silent afternoons together- I believe that was the soul of our relationship.
Looking around me, I worry some about mothers and daughters in the current age.  Will our daughters remember any silent time with us when we just existed quietly in the world together?  Or when we die, will they only question why we never slowed down and just looked at them, or really listened to them.  I can only thank my mom in my heart for teaching me what the silence of a relationship sounds like.  I believe there is no more beautiful sound. 

1 comment:

  1. Precisely - though I never got into books as much as you and mom. I remember going to "the boathouse" to watch the sun set - inevitably forgetting the camera and then the two of saying, "Quick take a picture of it." "Click," both of us would say and the picture was in our heads - forever.