by Jen Flemming on Sunday, March 21, 2010 at 3:07pm
I am lucky that I was raised in a way that did not turn me off to my Catholic faith. I am not what one would call a "good Catholic". There are many things the "church" believes that I am strongly not about in my own life. A very dear friend calls my religious beliefs, beliefs of convenience. This does not bother me as much as one might think because I believe that everything anyone believes happens that way because of our own perceptions. Religion and faith are not black and white to me and I do not need anyone to approve of what I believe. I would love to live in a world where abortions did not need to be a choice, but until you can tell me that all children will have what they need both emotionally and physically it is imperative to me that we have that choice. If we ever make it to that place, I may reconsider...I definitely reserve that right to reconsider. I also believe that God is about love. God/Jesus accepted even those who others did not accept. I don't believe the God I listen to cares if I choose to love a man or a woman as long as I choose to love. Really. I know my "church" says something different, but I have a relationship with God that is my own and I just can't fathom that kind of judgment by the God I speak with. I do believe in the Eucharist. Receiving the body of Christ each week (although I don't always get to church) renews my spirit and refreshes my soul. I don't believe that because I take the Eucharist each week, that makes me better than someone who doesn't do that. We all have our own ways of receiving God. If I ever had a doubt about God, my faith was restored when I sat with my mother during her months of sickness. She definitely crossed over right in front of my eyes. It was not so much the moment of death but more the days before hand when she was talking with her mother and also with Jesus. When she was trying to pack for the trip...when she told my daughter she was trying to get Jesus to let her stay but she didn't think He was having it. So, it was not a surprise a few weeks after my mother died that my daughter sat in the back of the car on a ride through town and told me she had just talked with Grammy. I asked her what Grammy said and she said, "Well, it was just a thought in my mind that I asked Grammy what color God was." That gave me a warm feeling because what a natural question for a child to ask. Who doesn't wonder that, but only children are honest and innocent enough to actually ask the question. I said to Krista, "What answer did Grammy give you?" She replied, "Grammy said that God is all the colors of the rainbow." And that is when I knew...yes, my daughter really had just spoken with my mother and yes, God really is all the colors of the rainbow....and in the end, it is ok to believe what gets you through...because I am pretty sure God is just too large for any of us to understand completely. I think what is important is that we try to love each other and be good people....and in the end, the less we judge the more we can truly feel all the colors of the rainbow.