I am listening to the birds singing and also the sound of a few people heading off to work. In my head I am rolling around ideas to write about today. So much is going through my head. A young mom is found not guilty of killing her daughter. All that was needed for defense was reasonable doubt, but the public jury has decided the real jury is our of their minds. Also, I have started having work nightmares already. Those are the teacher dreams we have (usually much later in the summer) where you go to work and have no plans or go to work in your pajamas and it is not a designated pajama day. One would think that with a summer off my days would be long and stress free, and by all accounts they should be. But, for some reason, the less I have to do, the more I worry about where I am going in life.
I do not like the status quo. This is one of the reasons teaching is such a great career for me. It is never stagnant. Everyday brings a new challenge and each year is completely fresh. When I am stuck in the status quo for too long I get antsy and also start to feel ridiculously lazy. Last week having time to think made me feel intelligent and refreshed. This week having time to think makes me feel unsettled and nervous. That is okay. I know how to handle it. But, it is odd- this feeling of unsettled. It is usually when some of my best decisions are made. It was when my life was status quo that I decided to adopt. It was when my life was status quo that I decided to buy a house with my mom. It was when my life was status quo in college that I decided to become a teacher. And it was when my life was status quo in Vermont that I made the move to Massachusetts where my life became what it is today.
So, as I sit here a bit unsettled, I am also excited at what this means for my future. I have filled this week with activities with friends for my daughter and myself. We will definitely enjoy ourselves and stay busy, but there is no busy that will stop the unsettled feeling. The unsettled feeling can only be stopped by sitting and listening to it. I cannot wait to hear what exciting thing it tells me I need to be doing next in my life.